The B word(s)..

…Alphabetically Speaking: 26 posts to keep me writing.

 I have started and stopped this post about a billion times. I bantered back and forth in my brain (since I was seeking expert advice) as to the most bewitching b word to use. It was burdensome, let me tell you. The list basically kept me awake (before bedtime) most nights.

b word

There are just too many b words from which to choose.

For instance,  if I chose Beauty as my b word, then what; would I bolster my “head to toe” perfection by beguiling you the benefits of being dark beige blonde which I highly recommend to camouflage the stray grays that want to inhabit one’s head. Or I could brag about the many balms I have tried to keep the bags under my eyes at bay. I could possibly share the blessings of being “big boned” (another way of saying I have gained some unwelcome weight in the last 10 years). Next, I could broadcast the fact that the joints which connect my thighs to my calves really are the “bee’s knees”, however they, the knees, are not to bbeat by the two (that’s right TWO) bulging, yet symmetrical bunions beside each big toe. No, Beauty will not be my b word.

under eye

I will bypass this method of under eye bag disguise.

I thought about blood for my b word, but then I remembered that is why I am a teacher and not a nurse like two of my sisters. Blood…In the seventh grade sometime between Biology and Bible Study,  Sister Bertha Brimstone* behooved the class (mostly the boys) to stop leaning their chairs back on two legs. “You will bust your head open,” Sister blasted. Brian Billings* bent that bench back once too often.

BAM! Head bashes cast iron radiatorBlood blew from the back of his head. I buckled under the sight of the bulging wound boiling over his carrot-top buzz cut.

Brian and Beemie (me) were both sent home. He received a boat-load of stitches and I had to brave the look on the Milkman’s face at having to pick me up from school on his rare day off.

My own students today can quote this story every time someone boldly bends his chair back. Bellows of, “Remember Brian Billings” are echoed about the classroom; because no one wants to call 911 for a blacked-out teacher.

jimmy naughton

Brian always reminded me of this actor, Billy Mummy, seen here with Angela Cartright.

This next b word to barge in each time I tried to draft this post was busy… First, that b word busy barked that the job, which provides my biweekly income 10 monthes out of the year was the boss of my free time. Then this so-called busy life berated me with the need to clean the bathrooms and the rest of the house. Had I known the sewing machine and fabric would demonstrate blatant disrespect and bullying as each blocked my view of the keyboard then that b word busy could not be blamed.

Busy, I don’t know what it is like to not be busy. Somewhere in that “busy-ness” I attended a WNBA preseason basketball game and I celebrated Mother’s Day with brunch.


Another beauty secret…if you use a blurry photo of yourself with your “blessed with boyhood”genes husband no one will notice the under  eye bags.

Finally, the b word that bounced around in bulk is the one I choose not to write as technically it is a blasphemous word to the female gender; especially to those of us with high expectations, the ability to defend oneself, and opinions that sometimes exit the mouth when one believes she’s right. The b word which rhymes with stitch, twitch, glitch, pitch, and other rich words; brings to mind another story from school, only fast forward 33 years.

A young man in my class, Barrister*, burdened himself with the daily task of reporting those who betrayed the student bi-laws. He disguised these breaches against basic justice in the form of a question.  “Should people blowing bubbles with gum? …or …Why do people try to hide their blank homework sheets?” I am no Alex Trebek, so rewarding him with bonus points would not bolster his position with classmates; however it is always important to hear him out as student safety comes first.

One day I questioned a student about an incomplete class assignment. I imagine my disbelieving expression was boldly displayed on my face. As I turned to walk away after hearing his excuse, he mumbled something under his breath. I clearly heard his one word utterance, but opted toward beating a path to the high road. Believing he had my back,  Barrister raised his hand with confidence and blared his query aloud, “Should people be calling you the b word?”

b monogram

If only the B word resembled this…

My response, “Brilliant, someone called me brilliant? I am flattered,” I blurted with pride and beaming smile. The offender noting that I had cut him a break, brushed his brow humbly. Barrister was bothered that I did not banish the offender from the room. I determined that being a role model toward the “sticks and stones don’t break my  big boned body bones” position was far better than really being branded, the b word.

Have a blessed day and remember beauty & the b word is in the eye of the beholder.


 * names changed to protect innocent and not so blameless bystanders


  1. janey says:

    Bravo….Brava!!!! Betty Boop would be Bouncing with Beautiful Burps for you….hahahahaha…I couldn’t even think of 10 B’s!!!!
    thinking bout you as wind down your school year. Our schools get out next week..hope yours is soon to follow!!

  2. Kelly L McKenzie says:

    Well Bust my Britches, you did a Brilliant joB with B. I have to admit I smiled a little when I contemplated the number of times you had to Bold all those Bs. And then I got a weensy bit of appreciation when I simple had to capitalize the paltry Bs that are in this comment. Good on you, Beemie!
    My niece told me a cute story today that ties in with yours. Her little guy (he’s two) turned to her yesterday and innocently remarked “Are you Bitchy today, Mama?” Horrified, she racked her Brain trying to rememBer when she’d used that word in his presence. Then it hit her. A few weeks Back, she’d said to her husBand “I’m sorry if I’m Being Bitchy tonight, But …” Of course, little Big Ears heard and stored it away …

    • Beemie says:

      Oh yes, the ears of the little are quite big…my mother would curse in French…it sounded so lovely that I said to to my dolls. I only did this once because my mother’s ears were quite big also, let’s just say my ears still heard all, but I filtered what I repeated.

  3. Emily says:

    My first thought as I read the letter was how perfect his penmanship was…and then you commented that future generations won’t even be able to read this letter. So, true! It’s sad that we have gotten away from writing, but I guess in this day and age typing is being done more than writing. This was a great post & and great Memorial Day tribute!

  4. TS says:

    I was obviously excited with the potential of this post. As Tina Fey would say, “B-es get $h-t done!” It was a compliment in the highest form.

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